Love Vs. Heartbreak

I am not an expert on the subject but I would like to share some of my thoughts on love and heartbreaks. These are all my personal thoughts so it’s fine if you do not agree because each one of us have our own opinion. 

The reason I am writing this is because it breaks my heart when I hear people blaming love for their broken hearts. I believe that true love will never break your heart and if your heart has been broken then that love was never true.

Love is a beautiful thing and there is nothing more beautiful than love. It’s the best gift anyone can receive or give. The people who have the ability to give true love and the ones who receive such love are the most blessed ones. 

There are many kinds of love, be it in any form, love is always beautiful. Its love when a mother holds her new born, its love when a dad carries his little one on his shoulder,  its love when siblings stand for each other, its love when friends encourage one another through the difficult times, its love when a wife waits with the  meal on the table for her husband, its love when parents ignore their needs for the sake of their children’s need,  likewise love has different forms and be it in any form love is always beautiful . 

 We however tend to take love in some form for granted because some of these love tend to reach us way too easily, especially our parents’ love.  In today’s generation we give up on love way too easily and that is because we are blindfolded with the wrong concepts of love.  If we truly understand what love really is, we would never give up because love in itself is very attractive and beautiful that we would never want to give up on. 

We confuse love with many other things such as fear, lust, desire, attraction, etc and that is what is causing all the chaos like broken families, heartbreaks etc in our societies today. If we truly understand what love really is and if we avoid the confusion on love, our societies would be much better place to live in because so many problems would be solved if only we could understand the real concept of love. 

True love is not about romance, candle light dinner, and walk along the beach. It’s about respect, compromise, care and trust. Though love is about compromising for the ones we love but there is a huge difference between us willing to compromise and someone making us compromise. We got be wise enough to understand the difference. You don’t have to put up an outstanding performance to be loved.

The sad truth these days is that broken hearts are very common. However, heartbreaks do not disqualify us from being able to love but instead makes us stronger and helps us understand true love better.  

Well! who doesn't get their heart broken? But that doesn't mean we have to stop loving. I like many others have had my share of heartbreak and there was a time I used to wonder why, but as the time passed by I realized that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. The heartbreaks I went through made me understand love more clearly and helped me be a stronger person than I was.

 The beauty of love is that it accepts you with all your imperfections and you never have to try and be who you are not just to be loved. If you have ever gotten your heart broken just because you couldn't live up to someone’s expectations then that person did you a great favor by breaking your heart and you will definitely be grateful to them someday if not today. 

I know it sounds weird but it’s healthy to get your heart broken at times because every heart break brings you closer to yourself and makes you analyze yourself. But of course you should be willing to do the analysis. The more time you spend analyzing and understanding yourself the more you will be able to see what you are worth. Once you understand your true worth, no one will ever be able to break your heart.

So love and heart break has no correlation because these are two different concepts. Love everyone and if ever your heart tends to be breaking don’t take it way too seriously because someday that won’t matter a bit. So why ruin your today for something that is not going to matter in the long run.  Never stop loving no matter how your experiences have been but make every experience an opportunity to learn and never blame love for your heartbreak.

I Love You  <3

With love,

Deborah J

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what would i advice the 16 year old me?

It seems like it was just yesterday that I was 16. It’s really amazing how time passes by so swift.

I don’t have many regrets and the ones I have I try and disregard because those were the best lessons for me. Everything that I didn't do right and everything that once broke my heart helped me be a better person than who I was.  I am a firm believer that we all need to face both the dark and the brighter sides of life and make some mistakes but there are times I wish I had done things little different. So if I were to advice my 16 year old self these are few things that I would tell myself:

• ·         Age of 16 is one of the most beautiful phases of life. It’s a phase when one is no longer a girl neither a woman but is in between. So it’s an age to embrace the beauty of it and focus on being the best of you.
• ·         Listen to your heart. At this stage there seems to be so many confusions because there are many voices that says different things of what we are to do. Parents have their say, friends have their, teachers say something else and there are many more. It’s not easy to figure out whom to listen to but the best thing would be to take time to understand who you are and what you want to do with your life.
• ·         Respect yourself. People may look down on you because you are young but don’t let anyone look down on you. People will only respect you if you respect yourself so be respectful to yourself and earn respect.
• ·         Enjoy your friendships. Have enough time for friends and family. Have as much fun as you can with the people who genuinely love and care you.  Be careful not be addicted to anyone in particular that you forget others because the person you are prioritizing may not always stand by you. If that happens it’s not their fault because you have the right to choose and no one can impose that on you.
• ·         Everyone makes mistake so don’t beat up yourself for your mistakes. Learn from your mistakes but don’t let them haunt you down.
• ·         You are beautiful no matter what. Beauty is not just about how you look but it lies within in the unseen realm. As far as beauty is concerned there is no bad hair day, you are always beautiful so be confident and proud of who you are.

Well I wrote these for the 16 year old me but I realized that these principles do apply to me even today. I need to be reminded all these over and over again and that’s what I love about writing. It’s always there anytime we need a reminder. We all have bad days once in a while and we always need something to lighten up such days. For me it’s my work (my writings), every time I read I tell myself be proud of who I am and be grateful for the beautiful life I have been blessed with.  It makes me feel good again no matter what I am going through.

Just like I wrote 16 years old me I know I will have many more to write to the present me in future. The fact is that we don’t see  things the way we are suppose to and when we are suppose to. That does not however mean we are not capable of doing so. We just need to take time to understand ourselves and be the best that we can be and not worry about what others think of us.

We all need something to look back to and remind us who we are. 

Your today is going to be your memories tomorrow so make sure you are making good ones.

Love,

Deborah <3

Perfectly Imperfect

'Perfect'

Think about this word. It sounds good but what is perfect around us? 

 I have learned that perfect is not always real, whereas imperfect is real and beautiful if we have learned to see it the right way. When I look around carefully everything is so perfectly imperfect.  I have learned that nothing is perfect in the world we are living in but still everything is so beautiful. It tells me that, for anything to be beautiful it need not be perfect.

We  humans are always looking for things that we don’t posses irrespective of the fact that we may possess something better than what we are looking for.  Today we are all bound with an illusion to be someone that we are not. We long to be in someone else’s place no matter how good a place we are in. We tend to forget that even the ones we are longing to be like are no where near perfect. We are all very unique and we need to take pride in who we are. It’s always good to appreciate other people but it’s very unhealthy if we start longing to be just like them. If God wanted us to be like the person we are longing to be, He would have created us that way but He didn't and I believe He has a very good reason for that. 

It breaks my heart to see people comparing themselves to the other person they think are better than them and they complain about the differences but if we could ponder for a moment we would realize that the differences are what makes each one of us beautiful in our own way.  If only we could see how beautiful we are with all our imperfections we would never wish to be like anyone but ourselves. We got to understand that we are all different, some are tall while others are short, some are fair while others are dark, some are thin while others are fat, some have straight hair while others have curly hair, some have big eyes, nose etc  while others have small eyes, nose etc. Whichever category we fall in, we are beautiful in our own way and no one not even we ourselves have the right to think or say we are not beautiful. However we are, we are perfectly imperfect.

 It’s just a matter of perspective; all we need are the eyes and heart to see through the beauty within. It’s not just within ourselves that we need to see through but we need to learn to see the beauty in others too. We need to accept and appreciate people with their imperfections because we ourselves are nowhere near perfect but we are still beautiful so are the other people. 

Each one of us are perfectly imperfect just the way we are and so lets learn to accept ourselves and one another with the imperfections . Lets not try and change other people instead utilize that time to make the best of ourselves. 

Be the best you because you are beautiful irrespective of how you feel.  Once again you are perfectly imperfect :) .

With love,

Deborah <3

let go of the past and make a new beginning

Its always good to cherish the past if it helps us but the problem arises when we start behaving ineffectively because we think, “this is the way it has always been, and it will continue to be this way” .  

Our pasts may be useful, or they may hinder our progress and growth.  It all depends on how relevant they are to the present and how we look at it. The one reason why we are all so burdened with life is because we have the tendency to carry our bitter past with us all the time. Any time we hold resentment, we hurt our-self. We may seem to blame a person or situation but the fact is inwardly we are blaming our self up for being a part of that relationship or experience. All the time we keep hearing about letting go of our past and moving forward but we are so reluctant and we fail to do so.

As we live and experience things, we must recognize what belongs and what doesn’t, what works and what doesn’t, and then make the choice to let go off things that are not meant for us. Not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because not everything is supposed to fit into our life.  At certain point in life we got to close the door on the past, change the music, clean up the mess,  and start over. When we stop being who we once were ,we can become who we are meant to be today.  Letting go has nothing to do with weakness, but everything to do with strength.  We got to let go and move on with our lives not to let others  realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth.

Remember that nothing starts easy; everything begins at some level of difficulty. At first everything seems difficult  but one beautiful thing about life is the fact that the most difficult challenges often come out with the most rewarding and satisfying outcome in the long run. The reason we do not wanna let go is because we are fearful of the unknown, wanting to be within our comfort zone always, and not willing to put up with short-term pain for long-term gain. But lets not forget that growth begins at the end of all these. The most successful outcomes we know about never started from a place of comfort and ease. 

Don't be afraid to start over but get excited expecting  something new and better. You never know what's waiting for you on the other side of your fear and doubt.

One very personal tip on letting go: please never hate or keep any kind of grudge against anything or anyone you are letting go because to hate anything or anyone you have to keep them in your heart so you can not let go that way.

It’s time to open the next chapter of your life.

 Every day is an opportunity to begin again. Each moment is an opportunity to begin again.

Don't try and figure out all the 'whys', someday everything you have been through will make perfect sense and everything will fall into place.

with love, 

Deborah :)

your life depends so much on your perception

RISE ABOVE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES: 

Life is so much more than your circumstances

“People are always blaming circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get ahead in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.”    

                    -George Bernard Shaw

I remember the day when I walked out for school for the first time at the age of three and half. There was no one to drop me till the campus but I followed some elder kids till school. When I reached the school I was really confused because the reality of school was beyond my imagination. I had imagined school to be a big campus where everyone would sit around playing and enjoying but there were buildings (the buildings when I think today were not that tall but that time those were like multi story buildings ) inside which there were so many classes. I had no idea where I was suppose to sit so I randomly chose a class and sat, however, later I was sent to my class. 

In my country kids are not admitted in the government schools before the age of six and private schools are expensive but I was really desperate to go school that I somehow managed to be there at the age of three and half. When I think of that today, I have to say that God's favor was upon me even then. I somehow joined the school staying away from parents at that age ( I had the spirit to fight with my circumstances even at that age) but it was definitely not easy at all. I cried, laughed, stumbled, fell and stood back up and walked on my own. I had no one to cry with and never had any options, had to accept whatever came along the way. I had no option to choose what I wanted to eat, wear, play etc. So I learned to accept whatever I was provided with and was still grateful for all those and still am today. I had no one to turn to when I wanted a shoulder to lean on and cry. Overall I grew up on my own without holding anyone's finger from the age of three and half. My parents appreciate me for never being demanding as a kid but that was because I had to learn to be that way. I stayed away from my parents since I came to my senses and of course others would not tolerate my childish behaviors so the only option I was left with was to act mature as soon as possible. I don't want to go into detail because it somehow still hurts me when I think of all those. I somehow got through that phase of my life and I thought the most bitter part of my life was over and that I had climbed the highest mountain.

   I was absolutely wrong because so many things happened one after another in my life along the way. The thing is I had to understand life is a series of all these ups and downs. The bitter incidences in my life have always helped me grow more than the good ones. After every storm I find myself at a higher level than the previous level. If through good circumstances I have climbed one step higher, the storms in my life have taken me ten steps higher. Its true that when I think of those dark phases of my life I can feel some kind of pain in some corner of my heart but at the same time I am grateful to God for letting those dark phases be a part of life because without those phases I would not have been able to learn as much as I have been able to till date.

 At times I of course felt like God was so very ignorant toward me but I have to admit the fact that 'His grace was always enough for me to get through' and I always made to the next level. I am glad that I never gave in but chose to rise above my circumstances. My battle is not over yet and it will continue as long as I am breathing but one thing I am very sure and confident about is that God will always be my refuge and I will get through rising higher and higher irrespective of the circumstances.

I have no complains, no regrets and no grudges but instead I am very grateful to all those who made the journey of my life interesting by making it difficult for me. If everything would have turned out the way I wanted, I guess I would have never learned what I have learned. Whatever I have learned along the way so far and whatever I will be learning along the way further are and will be my greatest wealth or asset. Every bad circumstances and every difficult people promoted me to a higher level and helped me gain extra favor in God's sight. What can be a greater and better gift than that! I have the strength to smile and hope even in the darkest phase of my life. I am confident that I am fully prepared for whatever lies ahead because I have the favor of the Almighty.

I want to encourage all those  who are in the midst of any kind of storm. You are not alone and if you are willing you can rise very high. Its up to you to decide whether you are gonna let your circumstances take you down or higher than you could ever imagine. Make a decision today whether you want to become the victim or the VICTOR. Whatever you decide will define your life so make sure you make a the right decision.

REMEMBER ITS JUST A TEST.

Some of my favorite Quotes

'A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success.'   By Elbert Hubbard

“Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left one unexpended effort that might have saved the world.” By Jane Addams

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.”  By Confucius

“Never let your head hang down. Never give up or sit down and grieve. Find another way.”             

 By Satchel Paige

“You just can’t beat the person who won’t give up.”  By Babe Ruth

“The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”

by Rocky Balboa

My best wishes and love to everyone. You haven't lost the battle as long as you have the spirit to fight. 

ALL THE BEST.

Loads of love Deborah