turning 30

I wouldn't want to be any younger because the wisdom I have collected along life's journey this far is not worth my youth.

Wow! I am officially turning 30.What a journey it has been. I have learned that life is all about growing, exploring and taking up challenges. I have come through many stages of life and I would like to believe that I have grown as wise as a 30 year old should.

I know I have not come up with any post for quite sometime now and that's because I wanted to start my post for 2017 on my birthday.

I am going to share some nuggets I have picked along the journey of life during my 29 years on this beautiful planet. The lessons (in no particular order) are:

1) God is always good : 

I have experienced God's love in so many different areas in my life. God's love and goodness may not always have come to me in the best shape and form but when all was said and done I could always see that bright light shinning through in the darkest of times. God has always been good to me even in times when I was not able to understand His goodness and I am grateful. 

2) Wisdom is the best wealth:

 I wouldn't trade wisdom for anything at all and would give up anything and everything for it. Wisdom is what helps the wise keep going when all odds are against them, make better choices and live a better life.

3) Nobody has it all figured out:

I am a very curious person, always willing to learn but I seem to have been so obsessed with knowing it all that I started stressing myself over it. I had to learn to pause and be OK with not knowing everything.I have learned that I don't have to know everything to use everything. Now I am much relaxed taking one step at a time and I have learned that no body has it all figured  out.

4) Not everyone is going to like you and that is perfectly OK: 

You maybe the best piece of apple   there is but there will always be people who do not like apple. So it should not be your problem if you come across these people. You are still the same the person. Be the person you are irrespective   who does or doesn't like you.

5) Never take education for granted: 

Now by education I don't mean the number certificates you hold but the opportunities to learn. The degrees certificates earned are the by product of education. You may lose what you earn but you will never lose what you learn.

6) You don't have to give into peer pressure and try and fit in: 

For this you need to know yourself very well otherwise you will keep trying to fit in or be like someone else. Once you are confident of who you are it won't matter who like you as long as you like you. DON'T waste your time trying to be like someone else. You will be the happiest when you learn to be confident of who you are irrespective of whether your peers are on board with you or not. 

7) Never stop growing and learning: 

The moment you stop growing and learning is the moment you stop living. I can't imagine a day in my life when I get to learn nothing. Irrespective of how learned or well read one may be there is always enough space to learn and grow more. Never let anything come between you and your growth.

8) Less is more:

The less stuffs you own the richer you feel. 2016 was the year I started understanding minimalism and it has helped me reflect on everything understand that life is never about owning stuffs. I have learned tot own only those stuffs that bring you true joy. It was the book 'The Life Changing magic of tidying up' by Marie Kondo that helped me on my journey to minimalism.

9) Be your own best friend: 

This lesson has made my life so much better. Obviously I did not learn it the easy way. I did struggle to be my own best friend but now that I am, every single moment of my life is so much more beautiful. I realized that I am one person that I will have to spend most of my life with and if I don't be a friend to myself life is going to get tough. Now that I am my own best friend, I can't remember the last time I was so depressed that I couldn't get over it. I do have my down moments but I immediately come to my rescue and everything seem to be great again.

10) No heartbreak is easy:  

Every heart break is difficult but if you come out to the other side, you will come out so much stronger and better. It is true that 'what does not kill you definitely makes you stronger'. So if you are not dying then hold on a little longer, there are beautiful days ahead. Remind yourself this, "Sweetheart you are not the only one going through it".

11) Listen more and talk less: 

Well this an easy one for me because I am not a talker. If you don't have anything good to say than it's better you say nothing at all. Anytime you get an opportunity to listen to words of wisdom grasp the opportunity. Soon you will realize that you know so much more than you thought you do just because you have been listening.

12) Do not let your expenditure exceed your income:  

I have learned to make sure my expenditure do not exceed my income. Not being in debt makes life so much better. I can't even imagine being in debt. I understand for some it is unavoidable but always make sure you keep your expenditure  is less than your income.

13) Forgiveness is for me and not for the one who receives it: 

If you can forgive it just just means that you are a strong and wise person. You understand that humans are meant to make mistakes sometime. If I can forgive someone I am not doing that person a favor but I am doing myself a great favor and you will be able to relate to me if you are a wise person. However, if you can't  relate to this, then I hope and pray that you get to do so very soon.

14) Any relationship is hard work: 

It is all about figuring out which ones are worth putting in hard work and which ones are not. 

15)  Everything happens for a reason: 

When I look back to the years I have lived, every single circumstance, people or thing that has ever crossed my path has in some way or the other served some purpose in my life and helped me be the person I am today or is leading me towards who I want to become tomorrow. There were things that happened and at that time they seemed unfair, was painful and horrible but today I realize that without those moments I would have never realized my strength. I don't believe that anything happens by chance or luck. Everything in  life comes to us to test us and leave us once we learn the lesson.The hardest lessons in life are the most important ones

16) There is no failure only lessons and results: 

We have all flunked a test, got out hearts broken from relationships that didn't work out, wanted one thing and got another and the list goes on. I have learned from the highly successful people that true success comes from not giving up and learning to fail. The people who enjoy great success were ones who dealt with their share of failure. Read about Thomas Edison, Abraham Lincoln or all the other successful people you know of and you will see how many times these people had to choose to not give up to failure. You are only a failure if choose to give up. 

17) Your Challenges in life are the beautiful crown you get to wear: 

The beauty of challenge is   that they mold us to be the best version of who we are meant to be but that will only happen if  you let the challenges build you and not destroy you. The beautiful testimonies come from people who have overcome the worst in life.

18) Your excuses will not take you anywhere in life: 

I have learned to rise above my excuses and   do what I am suppose to do. Remember that the world is so much bigger than your problems. The only thing you may earn from your excuses is little bit of sympathy and nothing more. Who wants sympathy anyway!

19) Nothing in life is constant: 

At times change may make us uncomfortable but that's exactly what we need in life for our growth. Learn to embrace the changes in life because they are beautiful. It  is OK to be nervous about the change but it is not OK to put your life on hold fearing the unknown.

20) Fear will only disappear when you confront it: 

We all have some or the other kind of fear and as long as we keep running from our fears, they are going to keep following us. The moment we confront the fears they suddenly have no guts to face us.

21) Bad attitude is all you need for a miserable life:

It doesn't matter how blessed you are if you do not carry the right attitude you are always going to be miserable. Good attitude may not always help you get out of your problems but it is going you give you the strength that you need to deal with your problems. And that is going make you a better and stronger person than who you used  to be. Good attitude is not always having a great life but it all about making the best out of the life you have.

22) You are not in competition with anyone but YOU: 

There will always be someone who is better than you  and that is perfectly OK. Of course be inspired by people but at the end of the day the only person you should be competing  with is you. Learn from people , be inspired and motivated  by good qualities in people and keep trying to be the best version of you. Remember we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

23)Don't postpone being happy: 

Don't wait to be happy when this or that happens. Be happy in this very moment irrespective of what you have or don't have. Happiness is not be hoped for or chase after. It is to be created in this very moment. It's a choice.

24) Hurt people hurt others: 

As you walk through life you are going to find people who will try and dump their garbage on you but don't take it personally because these are the people who are carrying way too much garbage and are looking for someone to dump it on. If you choose to get hurt you are simply taking in the garbage dumped on you. So just be thankful that you are not carrying their garbage and do sympathize them but don't take in the garbage.

25) Blessings in disguise are real: 

In life we have to fight through some real challenges to earn the best days in life. You may be in the worst part of your life and you may be thinking 'what good can come out of this situation?' but let me tell you that the best things in my life have come to me after my darkest hours.  Trust me life will end up surprising you in ways you can not even imagine. Don't be intimidated by the challenges you face. Most of the hardest moments of my life were actually the blessings in disguise and I am so glad that I did not yield to those moments.

26) There is so much more to life than how we look: 

I have learned that beauty is not about how we look on the outside but how we feel in the inside. If we have an ugly heart we will never be beautiful no matter how much we cover up. No one knows us better than we know ourselves so if your heart is not right you are never going to feel beautiful. Now as I am turning 30 I can see the       difference in my skin, I have started getting some dark spots and fine lines on my face but never before have I ever felt as beautiful as I do now.

27) Take one step at a time: 

Don't be intimated by looking at the height of the mountain you have   before you, just focus only on the next step you will have to take and soon you are going to learn that you have reached much further than you thought was possible. Even if the path is way too difficult just think about the step you are taking, slowly but surely you will get there.

28) Quality over quantity: 

Quality always win over quantity. I choose quality over quantity for everything now, however I was not always this person. There was a time when I wanted to have  as many as possible (typical human behavior) and I would trade off quantity over quality .  Now I have learned to make better judgement. I now prefer few clothes that are of good quality, few friends who are real and few stuffs that are worth having. I am very happy with all that I  have in my life today.

29) There is no one size fits for all:  

In every area of life there is no just the one way that is just right.  I have learned that not everyone has to be like me and neither do I have to be like everyone else. We are meant to be different and we have to walk our own path. There is no one right way to do things, our ways of doing the same thing may be very different depending on the person we are but that does not necessarily mean one of our ways is right and the other is wrong.

30) Age is just a number: 

Well last but not the least I am grateful for every single day of my life. I have walked through some pretty harsh paths and I am grateful for every path I have come across. I also know there are going to paths that I will have to walk that are going to be more difficult than what I have walked through and I am preparing myself  for every path. I know I am going to need some pretty good shoes to walk the tough roads or maybe good wheels but when I get there I don't want to be intimidated and back off. And YES age is just a number, whatever it is you want to do with your life you should just go for it and age should never be an excuse for you to stop dreaming or for your growth.

Of course I can go on and on because I am learning almost every moment but for now I just want to share 30 most important lessons to mark my 30th birthday. I hope some of these will be helpful to you. Please do share some lessons you have learned because I am always willing to learn.

Thank you for taking time to read and I am grateful for you. If you have read through the full post I can tell that you are a person who is willing to learn so all I have to say is keep up the spirit and Keep learning. Keep growing.

Stay beautiful,

Deborah.

Dawn will come

Harriet Beecher Stowe said, "When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."

How is life?
You must be feeling like you are consumed by some kind of darkness in your life at this moment and there must be so much uncertainty you are surrounded with but my friend I would like to remind you to please hold on for sometime. This maybe the moment when the tide will turn and if you are to give up you will never know what's on the other side. If you need someone to talk to do so, if you need some motivation get it from some good source, if you need to cry shed some tears but believe that you are strong enough to get through this. Tell yourself that you are exactly where you are suppose to be in your life. Don't be intimidated by the darkness you see around and also know that it is always the darkest before the dawn. The dawn is almost here so gather up all your inner strength and keep holding on to whatever it is that you have worked on this long. 

The reason you see the intense darkness around you is because you are about to see the light and only if you have the experience of the darkness you will be able to appreciate the beauty of light. This is not a punishment to you but a blessing in disguise for you. 

Be proud of yourself for coming this far. Pat yourself on the back and tell yourself that you are proud of you. You deserve to be appreciated for making it this far. While you are holding on prepare yourself to face the light.
Are you confident that you will be able to handle the light when you have to face it? Do you think it is taking so long for the dawn to reach you because you are not fully prepared to face the light yet? If so then do something about it, get to know yourself better and figure out what is it that you need to work on. Are you sure you are not simply wasting your time feeling sorry for yourself and complaining instead of preparing yourself?

In the words of Tony Robbins, "The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that you are in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you."

Don't let your dark moments and the pain make you bitter, negative or discouraged. If you keep holding onto the pains of life you are only going to suffer. Instead let your pain be a catalyst to push you ahead and make you stronger. I don't know what will help you to deal with pain but as for me whenever I am in doubt and in my down moments I either pray, exercise , breath or try and be grateful for all the good things in life. To be grateful you need not think of all the fancy things in life, pause for a moment feel your breath and be grateful that you still got breath inside of you. The reason that you are still breathing is a reason good enough to not give up. 

The darkness can last only for so long and it is natural for the dawn to show up after the darkness. This is a gentle reminder for you to not give up, whatever it is that you are going through.

Stay strong and live beautiful!!!

"Me Too"

I don't like to just sit and talk about problems of life and I know many of you don't either, but when people are hurting, I would at least want to be able to understand what they are going through. When I encounter people who are hurting I wish if only I could just say "ME TOO"( meaning that I have been through that situation and I know exactly how you are feeling) if nothing else. 

I would like to know how it feels like being rejected, broken, betrayed, hurt, messed up, failed, disappointed, vulnerable etc. I have noticed that when I know someone is going through what I have been through I tend to be more empathetic and not judgmental towards their action. However, that's not always the case with people who are going through issues I have never come across. To them I can't say "ME TOO" even if I want to because I know no matter how much I pretend to I will never be able to understand what they are going through exactly.  
Obviously none of us like it when we are going through any of these situations but once we are through it we always see life from a very different perspective. 

Anytime I am able to say "ME TOO" are the moments when I am grateful for all difficult times in my life. That's the beauty of experiences that are not so beautiful.  

Whenever I am going through that phase in life when I need someone to just be there for me, I would prefer someone who can say "ME TOO" to my situation because that person would exactly understand my pain.  I would rather not have any one around than have people who wouldn't be able to relate to my pain. 

For most of my life I have been a pretty positive kind of person but there have been times in my life when I have not been able to practice what I know. One thing I have noticed is that, any time I am going through the difficult phase of life, my common sense is the first one to leave me alone. I somehow tend to make wrong decisions and give in to the heat of the moment. And every time I come out of  those catastrophic situations I tell myself I am going to do things differently next time but I don't always make right decision when next time comes around. I Know many of you do the same so yes "ME TOO".

Yes! I am guilty of making the same mistake twice, thrice or most of the the time more often .

I don't think that the catastrophes that we go through in life have to be the devastation but those incidences can be the best experiences if only we can learn to see the hidden lessons. Just because I am writing about it doesn't mean I can always see the beauty in every situation but yes I do with all my heart believe that there is something good in every bad. One of those goods is of course being able to say "ME TOO".

So whatever you are going through in your life just be present in that moment and try and see what life is trying to teach you. Do not miss out on the experiences life is giving you. You do not want to be missing out on the "ME TOO" moments.

Take every circumstance in life as a beautiful experience and live beautiful!!!

KNOW YOUR WORTH

KNOW YOUR WORTH

Recently I was in a conversation with a beautiful young lady. She was heartbroken and mentioned to me about the guy who she is love with but he seem to be pulling away from her. She said, “he used to love me but now may be I am not pretty enough for him anymore“. I could completely relate to her because I have been through that stage but still it broke my heart that she couldn’t see the beauty in herself. I know for sure that somewhere down the line she is going to look back and be grateful to that guy for pulling away but for the stage she was in I just wanted to remind her of her worth.

As I was talking to her, I realized that there are many young people (boys and girls) who struggle with this issue and so I wanted to put these words down in writing so that this message will reach few more people.

Many of us base our worth on how someone else perceives us. I am guilty of doing that myself but I have learned my lesson and I would want few more people to know this. There is a great danger when we get into a relationship without first knowing our worth.

I have been happily single for a very long time now and I have never before felt this beautiful, confident and worthy as I do now. I have learned that I don’t need someone else to tell me how beautiful I am or what I am worth. I just know that deep within.  

I am single not because there are no good guys out there or I can’t find a guy. There are many great guys and from time to time there have been guys who liked me and I am always grateful to them but I don’t base my value on whether someone likes me or not. It’s not just about guys, I have reached a stage in my life where it does not matter much to me whether someone likes me or not. And FYI, someone liking you isn’t a reason good enough to be in relationship with, at least for me. I know my worth very well so I know that I deserve someone who will not just like me but love me and pursue me.  

Do yourself a favor and never wait on anyone be it a guy, a girl, a friend, a family member or anyone for that matter to validate your worth. Take some time to understand yourself and know your worth. That will be the best favor you will do for yourself. If someone does not like you, then praise God and wave them goodbye but without any bitterness (that's very important). I have done that several times in my life and I have always been better off waving goodbye to certain people.

You may not be like me and that’s perfectly OK, you just do the things that will work for you and make you happy. I have very limited number of people in my life and I like it that way but you may not like that. People often tell me that I am arrogant and that my standards are too high and unreasonable and so I may end up single forever. My response to them is always the same, “I will be happily single forever if I don’t find someone who loves me that way”. I have no plan of settling for anything less than what I deserve. If you are not like me and you think you can not be happy if you are not in a relationship then I am not the person who you should be listening to because I am always going to say that you can chose to be happy whether or not you are in a relationship.

Whether you agree with me or not is completely your choice but one thing you got agree with me is that before you get into any kind of relationship you GOT to KNOW YOUR WORTH . If you do not know your worth, you are going to base your worth on what someone else tells you. Trust me you do not want to base your value to someone else's  judgment of who you are. No one knows you better than you know yourself. So you alone get to make the judgment of who you are.

You are a beautiful person and so never let your circumstance or any person determine who you are and where you are going. 

KNOW YOUR WORTH always and stay beautiful!

You are stronger than you know

Are you hurting? 

Well you are not alone!

Does it hurt really bad? 

Cry! But then get back up once you are done crying and get back in the game (whatever it is).
Don't waste your pain but reward yourself for the hurt by getting to the next level.
Every time I am hurt I make it a point to shift myself to a higher level than I was before the pain happened. I no longer play a pity party every time I experience pain but take it as an opportunity to grow. 

What you are made up of is not judged by how well you celebrate the good times but by how well you handle your bad days. 

No matter how painful the pain, how great the set back, how bad the failure  or how great the loss, feel the pain but don't give up. 

 Don't judge your future based on what's going on in your life right now. Whatever you are going through has not come to stay but to test you and pass by. Have an attitude that says no matter how tough it gets or how much it hurts I am going to pass the test.  Don't let the cloudy days and the storms intimidate you.

The storm in your life right now is trying to teach you something very important but  you are so busy being mad and feeling sorry for yourself that you are about to miss out the hidden blessings.

What if you let few people walk away and you wave them good bye when they leave instead of hanging onto the memory of who you wanted someone to be?
Trust me it will all be worth it. You are going to look back on things you are crying about and be grateful that you went through it all.

You are so much stronger than you know but how are you going to figure that out unless you are tested by the challenges.
Trust me when this storm in your life is over and if you do not give up, you are going to find yourself in next level (much higher).
The very reason many of us get stuck at one point in life is because of our feelings and emotions that is filled with bitterness toward the world. When we are bitter it mostly hinders our growth.

The pain that used to bug me yesterday doesn't affect me anymore because I made it a point to learn my lessons instead of whining over the pain.
I have learned that it is always darkest  before the dawn so when you think you can no more tolerate the pain just hang in there a little longer because you never know how close you are to the light.

Don't stop fighting as long as you  have life to live. You got to have a vision that pulls you because the pull is what helps you go long way.
All the people I know who are(were) great and are doing (did) great things, the ones I have seen, read about and heard of are (were) the ones who despite the pain walked that extra mile when the others gave up.

When it hurts keep going because the very fact that it's hurting is because you are going to the next level. There is always another level so you got push yourself and raise the bar. Whenever you are tempted to give up remember that in that very moment you are writing your legacy. The key is believing in yourself when no one believes in you and your abilities.

Get out of the comfort zone and be tough. Use your pain as the fuel to drive you to your success and to better version of you.

Keep up the good fight!
 Live beautiful!

The lesson my wounded fingers taught me

Last Wednesday was a holiday for me and I was home. I wanted to make myself a glass of lemonade so I went to the kitchen and as I was trying to cut the lemon in two halves  I cut my index finger and middle finger instead. The cut was pretty deep, my fingers started bleeding real bad and the pain was quite severe. I was mad at myself for not being able to cut just a lemon without hurting myself. As I ran to get some antiseptic and band-aid I was cursing myself for being so clumsy.

Suddenly I realized that I was being so harsh on myself, it was as if my wounded fingers were trying to tell me that instead of getting mad I should be taking care of my fingers at this moment.  I immediately stopped for a moment and pondered upon it. I then apologized my fingers for hurting and as soon as I did that the pain somehow started subsiding. 

 In that moment I became mindful of the way I was treating myself for every mistake. As I was thinking about it, I went into the flash back, to all those times when I failed, got my heart broken,  made wrong choices , etc. I am very good at forgiving others but when it comes forgiving myself I I have not been able to do the same.

 I had to understand that every mistake I made along the way was based on the best of my knowledge and circumstances at that point and time. My intention was always right but I lacked the knowledge. I have talked about this is in one of my previous posts titled 'I didn't know any better'.

We all grow with time so we got to learn to be patient and gentle with ourselves. Being patient and gentle doesn't mean you just sit and suffer, but it means that you carry your hurt with grace without waiting to be pulled out of it. If you are just sitting with pain and waiting to be pulled out, then there is a danger that you may end up playing the blame game. I have learned to take complete responsibility for my life. Whatever I went through in my life I have no one to blame, not even myself, but I believe I needed every challenges, failures, heartbreaks and difficulties to be the person I am today.
I believe so strongly that,  'whatever happens in life doesn't happen to us but happens for us'.

I also believe that each one of us is better and stronger than we think.

Life has thrown many tests in each of our lives in the form of challenges, hurt, betrayal, discouragement or disappointments but the very fact that we are still breathing and living our lives in itself is a proof that we are not defeated. We are the victors and not the victims.We got to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and start being proud instead.
We all have made many mistakes along the the way but life changes every single second so we can start over with a new beginning any time.  It's all about shifting focus and understanding that we are exactly where we need to be in our life right now.

Life is a beautiful journey but it's not always easy. We go through difficult situations in life so that we grow and understand ourselves better. When we understand ourselves better we find the strength to grow up into a more stronger, confident and better humans.

Our capacity to love others and ourselves is defined by how much we have healed our past hurts, forgiven others and ourselves, and let our hearts expand to hold love. If we accumulate all of our past hurts, our capacity to love shrinks.

So the lesson my wounded fingers taught me was that I got to love, forgive and accept myself not only others because living a beautiful life without being able to do so is impossible. I hope we all learn to love, forgive and accept ourselves wherever we are in life.

Live beautiful!!!

Are you using your time to learn?

Steve Jobs was terminally ill and he was going to die when he spoke at Stanford University to the graduating students. He said to the students "Your time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life". 

How are you living your life today? Are you making good use of your time? 

I wish I would have known what I am writing today when I was much younger but never the less I am grateful I know it now. 

I wish I would have utilized my time more productively. I see people disappearing from the phase of earth just like that. We recently lost a great man Muhammad Ali and like all the people who leave, we all will have to leave some day or the other. Life is too short and so we don't have eternity on earth to take all the time we want to learn. 

Just imagine how would your life be if you could learn things much faster than an average person. An average person has to make the same mistake at least 10 times to learn the lesson from the mistake, what if you could learn your lesson the first time? An average person takes years to quit smoking, what if you you could quit right away? The average person struggles with their weight their whole life, what if you could learn to lose weight right away?

I know it is going to bring amazing results and there are ways to learn to do everything. All we got to do is try and find the answer for every how. We might die without knowing the answers to the
 simple 'hows' and the worst thing would be if we never bothered to find the answers. 

To quote from the Bible, Hosea 4:6 says, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge". Many of us make wrong choices and decisions because we do not know any better.  We do what we know is the best but what if what we know is not the best? 

For most of the history people thought that the world was flat, smart people like Socrates, Plato, Aristotle lived their whole life not knowing that the earth is round, but you and I discovered the that fact by time we were 6 or 7 years of age or maybe even younger. 

We are living at the right time and everything that we need is within our reach, it's just the matter of learning to get them. You may ultimately learn the little secrets of life and you are definitely going to live a better life once you start learning the secrets. I don't know about you but I don't want to be 70 years of age and then be wise, smart or happy, I want to be all these while I am still young because what if I don't get to live that long. 

The person who is able to learn quickly is always ahead.

So how do we learn then? To be a learner we got to be humble because without true humility it is impossible to get to the truth. I like to take every opportunity to learn. Learn from everyone and every moment. Don't let go of anything or any person without getting a lesson from them. 

What are you doing to learn?
Do you know that there are answers for most of your questions?
Are you listening to the wise and the experts who have figured out the answers to your questions?

I definitely don't want to waste my time trying to figure out if the earth is really round but I am going to trust the experts on that. 

Issac Newton once said , "If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants." So are you standing on the shoulders of giants? If not You better start. We are living in a generation when it is not so difficult to find mentors and learn from the experts. I am taking full advantage of the modern facilities, reading from the best sources, listening to the best, looking up to people who are way ahead of me. 

I try not to worry about making mistakes because I learn from the mistakes, but  I don't have time to make all the mistakes and then learn, so I would rather learn from the mistakes of others. So I take every opportunity to learn from peoples' mistakes not just mine. 

From what I have learned, we can get out of a relationship not worth staying right away, we can let go of toxic people right away and we can stop making unhealthy choices right away. Our lives are the cumulative effect of every decision we make and so we got to learn to make good decisions. The good decisions can only be made if we have good knowledge and so we got to take every opportunity to gain good knowledge/information.

Shun the arrogance and learn,  you are going to end up happier and more satisfied. Be humble and be smart at the right time. What are you waiting for? Start learning whatever it is you are trying to learn. Remember your time is limited so you can not afford to waste it.

"The beautiful thing about learning is no body can take it away from you." ~B.B King

Begin now !!!
Live Beautiful!!!

Perfect fit at the right season

 On this journey of life I have learned many great lessons and one lesson I am really grateful for in particular is learning to let go. I have learned that every time I am stepping into a new season I have to let go of certain things and some people from my life. I am grateful for each and every person and situation that crossed my way but I am also grateful that they left at the right time making space for the new ones. There was a time when it used to bother me every time I had to let go of people who I really loved but now I have come to understand that it's not a bad thing after all. I am especially grateful for those who walked with me some distance and then made an exit at the RIGHT time. 

Recently I was rearranging my clothes from my wardrobe. I had so many clothes many of which I don't wear anymore because they don't fit my current style. My wardrobe was pretty messy and it didn't look good at all. So I finally decided to rearrange and I found so many clothes that I wouldn't wear anymore. There was time when those clothes were perfect for me but I have grown and my taste in clothes have changed with time. I was however keeping them lying there in the wardrobe hoping that I might wear them someday. I didn't even realize that I had no space for the clothes that fit my current taste because the space was all occupied by clothes that doesn't fit my taste any more.  So I had to dispose of more than 60% of my wardrobe  and now it is much easier for me to find a comfortable wear.  

Like me most of us have this tendency of keeping things and people even when their part in our life is over. It's very important to clear up the mess in our life every now and then, be it people or stuffs. The people who walked with you yesterday may not be able to walk with you today and if you do not let go then just like my wardrobe someday suddenly you will realize that all the people you have been trying to drag along are nothing but mess. They are going to occupy all the space that there will be no space for those who fit in your life in this new season. 

Just like I can't be mad at clothes that doesn't fit me anymore, I can't be mad at people who doesn't fit into my life in this new season. I have to understand that there was a time when they did fit in perfectly and be grateful to them for that but in this new season it's wise to let go.  I have had many people (people I really loved) who left me and some I had to leave. To be honest it was never easy, it did hurt but when I look back today I am grateful that some left on their own and some I had the strength to leave. Today I have no complaints against those who left me and also no regrets that I was the one to leave some. I am grateful for each and every person who came into my life, taught me some important lessons and then left at the right time.  

Steve Jobs was so right in saying, "You can't connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards."

Just because people leave doesn't mean they are bad people, it just means their part in your story is over and so you got to move on to the next part without them.  If someone was meant for you they would have been with you and if they are not then you got to understand they are not meant for you in this new season.   Let go and wait for the next best thing that is about happen in your life.

 Live beautiful!!!!!

Beauty of brokenness

"Our life is full of brokenness - broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God's faithful presence in our lives. " ~ Henry Nouwen

 I am sure each one of us have been through that phase of life when we were completely broken. I have been through it several times and I keep going through that process, as weird as it may sound, there is a part of me that gets excited every time I am broken. I have a love-hate kind of relationship with brokenness. I am not denying the fact that it is indeed a very painful process but I feel so close to God in my brokenness. At times I ask God to keep me broken if that's the only way I am going to be close to Him because I can not express the joy I feel in His presence.

I no longer think there is anything wrong with feeling hurt, crying, doubting, worrying and making mistakes. I wouldn't try and resist brokenness because it keeps me humble and helps me grow.  I am not trying to fix myself anymore. I have learned to accept and love myself irrespective of my brokenness, mistakes and the imperfections.

If you have never hit the rock bottom in your life you will never understand what I am talking about but if you are able to relate to me, I would like to acknowledge you for being so brave and for never giving up on life.

Only when everything falls apart you get to witness your true strength.  Every brokenness in my life has brought out the best in me and revealed to me things I never knew about myself. I never came out on the other side of my brokenness as the same old me but I always met with a better version of myself.
 I never want to stop growing and being a better version of myself so I am constantly preparing myself for the trials I may face. I don't want to be unprepared and give in when I face the difficult situations but I want to be brave enough and stand strong. 

Learn to accept and appreciate the brokenness in life and trust me you will be able to witness the true beauty of brokenness.

Yes I am broken and my brokenness is my blessing and my badge of honor!

Live beautiful and stay broken. 

I didn't know any better

One of Maya Angelou's greatest lessons to Oprah was "when You know better, You do better" and this has been one of the best lessons for me as well.

I have made many mistakes along the way be it  a small or a big one but I have come to understand that all I did yesterday was because that was the best I knew.

I have learnt not to be a prisoner to my mistakes and the guilt that comes along.  

I look back and laugh at myself for the choices I  made along the way but I have no regrets because I did what I knew best at that point of time. I am grateful for today because I realize how far I have come and how much I have grown. As I laugh at the choices I have made in the past, I realize that the future me is going to do the same at the present me. That's how I am going to know that I have grown. In the process of growing up I am not going to keep myself from experiencing life. I am going to live my life to the fullest and I know I will make many mistakes along the way but I am gonna keep doing what I know best to do at a point of time. 

I know if I write this post tomorrow it will be much better than what I am writing today because I will know better tomorrow than what i know today but I am not going to wait till tomorrow . I know I will see lot of mistakes in my post when i read it tomorrow but I am not going to try and edit it but I am just gonna let it be and laugh at it and tell my self I didn't know any better. 

Wow! it's such a relief knowing that it doesn't have to be perfect. All I got to say is "I didn't know any better." Ha ha ha ha

I am just gonna live my life today not worrying if I am going to regret about it tomorrow. If tomorrow I don't like the way I lived my life or the way I wrote this post today, I am just gonna say "Ï didn't know and better" and then move on. 

Live beautiful!!!!

I am a Work in progress

I have been learning about who I was, who I am and who I am becoming and it has occurred to me that it is not about just one part but many cycles of my life. I have come to understand that no matter who I was yesterday, life keeps taking me through an evolution that changes the definition of who I am.  I see a piece of me in all women and it feels like I have lived many lives. I have come to a point in my life where I realize that I needed every wrong decision, every wrong choice, every tear, every heartbreak and every challenge to become who I am today.  I have learned to break out of the paradigm of who I thought I was so that I don’t place limit on who I am becoming. I know I will get it wrong many a times, I will make mistakes along the way and I will be disappointed but that’s all OK because my greatest lessons in life have birth forth from the moments when I got it all wrong. I have learned that I need not pretend and put a mask to cover up my mistakes because when I am comfortable with my imperfections, I don’t judge and use someone else's mistakes as an opportunity to feel superior or better.  I have reached to a point in my life from where I can look back at all that I have gone through and see beauty in all of that.  I am constantly evolving and constantly changing.  I am not afraid of what’s on the other side of the change. I would never restrict myself to one definition of who I am because I am a work in progress.

I don’t have all the answers and I haven’t figured it all out yet. I will never have all the answers but that’s perfectly OK with me.  I admit that I am a work in progress and I am proud of that because the work is excellent. I don’t need to figure it all out, I am just going to enjoy the process and not worry about the finish product because I am pretty confident the finish product will be beautiful.

keep growing and stay beautiful!

It's not about the destination but the journey!!

I always try and get excited as i get out of my bed every morning.

 Though every day is not always the same , but I keep reminding myself how blessed I am to be still breathing. That is what gets me excited because I believe that if I am still breathing, it's a sign that I am not done yet. I love my life and I am very excited about what lies ahead. Though I am not living my dream life and no everything isn't  great in my life but I do believe in the beauty of life. Irrespective of what happens or doesn't happen I have promised myself that I am never going to give up on believing in the beauty of life and the possibilities that life can offer.

I haven't achieved the goals that i have set for myself , I am not even half way there but i take everyday as an opportunity to prepare myself for the goals i have set for myself. I don't know how long it is going to take to achieve the goals that i have set for my life but I am no way in hurry. I am completely loving the journey and I am least bothered about the destination for now.

I don't have enough money in my account, there are people in my life who do not understand the way I live my life so I get criticized, I am happily single but some people take that as a perfect reason to blame me for being me and I am kind of workaholic which drains me out completely most of the time.

BUT I AM HAPPY and that is what matters at the end of the day. So what if I don't have enough of any of those things, what matters the most is that I am happy.

Though everything is not perfect but I am grateful for the beautiful life I have been blessed with. Yes I do want to do great in life but I am not going to wait till I achieve all my goals to live the life I want to live. I am going to enjoy my life in my own way and be grateful for many blessings I have been blessed with.

It is not about the destination but the journey itself. If you are not happy with your journey, it's most unlikely that you will be happy with your destination.

So enjoy your journey and keep moving towards your destination but don't keep waiting to reach the destination.

Live beautiful!!!

Love,

Deborah.

Getting comfortable being Uncomfortable

Comfort is a very pleasant thing and we all love being comfortable but comfort doesn’t help us grow. It’s very important to learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Being comfortable is not a bad thing but it does hinder our growth. I am pretty sure none of us want to get stuck in life, we all want to grow irrespective of how successful or unsuccessful we are. We all want to be our best and do great in life and for that we got to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. Some of us need a little push but for most of us the push has to be a really hard one. Sometimes on purpose we got to put ourselves in situations which kicks us out of our comfort zone.

Our worst enemy that keeps us within our comfort zone and doesn’t let us grow is our fear.  If we listen to our fear it will tell us things like:

  

                                                                      What if I don’t succeed?                                                                                                                                            What if people laugh at me?                                                                      What if I am not good enough?                                                                                          What if I am not capable enough?

Our fear can fill us with all these stupid “what ifs”.

If our fear is  keeping us from achieving whatever we want to achieve then it's high time we deal with it. Your fear will only obey you so you got to command it to keep quite. Do not let your fear stop you from stepping out of your comfort zone. If we are not uncomfortable that may mean we are not growing so I have learned that being uncomfortable is not that bad after all.

I have personally experienced that every time I got uncomfortable with my life, I always came out better than I was, when that season got over. All the irritations, uncomfortable zones and all my brokenness brought me to a better place than I had ever been. Yes I don’t like being uncomfortable but every time I get uncomfortable and life seems to be weighing me down, I have learned to stay strong knowing that there is something good heading my way. Every single challenge in my life helped me be a better version of myself.

Life is full of challenges and we all know this very well. The only thing we don’t accept is that these challenges will demand us to be uncomfortable. We can choose not to be uncomfortable and just give in or give up because that is the easiest thing to do, or we can choose to accept the challenges and stay uncomfortable which is not easy and will demand a lot of courage.  Well the choice is ours but so are the consequences.

The rule is simple: If we want to grow and make progress in life we got to learn to be uncomfortable or else we can stay comfortable and live in mediocrity. Life happens outside our comfort zone. When we move out of our comfort zone we got to remember that unexpected things are heading our way and so we got to be prepared for all that life throws at us.

I am blessed with a beautiful life but at times I do get uncomfortable with my life, I face real challenges and I struggle to get by. There are times I just feel like giving up but I keep reminding myself that I am heading towards something great and take every uncomfortable situation as a challenge that is going to help me get ahead and grow. I do not want to settle in mediocrity so I am preparing myself for the challenges every moment. There is so much more to life only if we move out of our comfort zone and face challenges instead of running from them.

We experience the real fun of life when we learn to take risks because without risks there isn't much to life. Once we learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable and start taking risk we would crave for the challenges because then we know the importance of challenges for growth and progress.

I have heard that the best things come to those who wait for it but as per my understanding of life the best things come to those who do not run away from the challenges of life but face them irrespective of the difficulties it bring along.

Stay beautiful and keep growing!!!!!

Love Deborah.

Inner circle

There are people in our lives who inspire us, challenge us, and help us grow. The kinds of people we associate with have great influence in our lives. Many a times the reason we do not grow or reach our highest potential is because we never get away from the wrong people. It’s very important that we connect with people who understand and appreciate our dreams. Life is too short to drag along the wrong people and try to convince them to get on board.

We got to be very careful as to who we let be in our inner circle i.e., people close to us.

I definitely do not want people who would question my dream and my capabilities, People who cannot appreciate me the way I am in my inner circle. I need people who will come into agreement with me and help me grow and not the people who would doubt my capabilities. I need people who would understand my destiny and be bold enough to agree with me in my belief. Over the years  I have had people who walked away from my life and losing them have been a blessing for me. They were good people but I have come to realize that they were not the kind of people I would want in my inner circle. With some people onboard it becomes very difficult for us to move forward, so earlier we let go of them the better we become. I had to understand that my destiny was never tied to people who walked away; these were the people who were with me but were never for me. I would rather be alone for a season than have people constantly dragging me down in my inner circle.

Are the people in your inner circle making you stronger, helping you grow, and making you a better person? 

Life is too short, your time is too valuable, and your destiny is too great to spend your life with people constantly pulling you down. Connect with people that understand and appreciate your uniqueness. If you get the wrong people out of your life, the right people will walk into your life. Not everyone will be willing or capable of going where you are going. Your true friends will not question who you are, won’t be jealous of your gifts, won’t talk you out of your dreams, and will be happy when you succeed and believe in what you are capable.

It’s not about the quantity of friends that are important but the quality of friends that matter. I would rather have few friends who are 100 percent for me than have many friends who are 50 percent for me.

Let go off the people who want to walk away from your life, you may not understand and it may break your heart but someday you will be grateful to them for walking away. Their walking away does not mean there is anything wrong with you but it’s because they cannot go where you are going and your destiny is way too great to be dragging them along. It does not mean that they are bad people it’s just that you are entering into a new season where they would not fit in. Say farewell and get excited for the new season you are entering into.